Giving myself permission

I’ve decided there will be some big changes this year. New directions, reevaluation, and lots of exciting things are on the way. With this comes the stress of the unknown. Am I making the right decisions, what if it doesn’t work, what if I fail? As a result, I have manifested physical illness this entire week. (It actually took me an entire week to catch on).

I’m one of those “Make things happen” people. I see something and I throw myself at it with my entire being. Theres benefits to this, but there’s definitely a downside. I tend to say yes too much, overestimate my energy levels and almost always overestimate my time management skills. Today, my body told me that if I don’t slow down, it will slow me down. I’m finally paying attention.

The changes are still coming, however, they don’t need to happen today. My fear of disappointing someone has clouded my vision of what is actually possible. This morning I decided I needed to take away some of the things that are stressing me. I contacted someone who asked me do an exhibit. I was excited and jumped on it. Due to some scheduling issues (that were not my doing) I suddenly found myself unable to do the exhibit in the time frame I had planned. Afraid of disappointing someone, I put myself into high stress mode trying to figure out how to make it happen. Realistically, it’s not happening.

With pure dread I sent out the email explaining my situation. I apologized repeatedly and offered to assist in replacing me. To my comfort I received an almost immediate email back thanking me for being honest and asking when a time frame would work. It seems so simple…something that was stressing me to the point of my health decline was solved by a simple honest email. No disappointment had.

Sometimes we just have to cut ourselves a little slack.



About strokeofred

I am from Kansas and I have traveled all over the world. I am an artist, and I have a business brain. I love skirts and tennis shoes. I like to get dirty and ride motorcycles. I am sensitive and I can be mean. I love nature, and believe in protecting it. I love to laugh, and feel better after a good cry. I can be stubborn and impatient. I am constantly growing. I am open and free. I look to be inspired and love to inspire. I play guitar and secretly want to play drums. I have a puppy that brings me great joy. I love hugs, cuddling, holding hands...and wrestling. I love the mountains and the beach. I have to make a pilgrimage to the ocean at least twice a year to balance myself. I believe in balance in all things. Traveling is a passion, and meeting interesting people from all over the world is the perk! I have small town values, and big city dreams. I love beer, hate wine. I believe that what you put out comes back. I believe and live by the belief of treating others like you want to be treated. I enjoy stimulating conversation, and a good sense of humor. Caffeine is my drug of choice, and coffee over chess or good conversation is my luxury. I am strong but sometimes feel small. I strive to be my authentic me.
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