Being in it

I have had this strange sort of anxiety-ridden guilt all week. It’s all completely self-imposed. I keep feeling like I’m not doing enough. I’m not spending enough time with my son. I’m not spending enough time with my art. I’m working too much. I’m not working enough. It’s gorgeous outside and I even feel guilty for not working and going outside and enjoying the amazing weather. I have been thinking alot about this today. I’m not sure where this anxious guilty feeling comes from. None of my actions seem to be spared from it.

I had to remind myself to breathe. To sit still with this feeling and let it flow through me. To stop running from it, to stop feeding it, stop listening to it, and just let it flow through me. I need to fight the urge to sit still and just be. Sometimes “sitting in it” isn’t much fun. I have no reason to feel guilt. I know it comes from a deeper place. A place of stress and anxiety. A place of feeling impatient and frustrated.

Trying to remember to breathe and just be in it…..let it flow.


About strokeofred

I am from Kansas and I have traveled all over the world. I am an artist, and I have a business brain. I love skirts and tennis shoes. I like to get dirty and ride motorcycles. I am sensitive and I can be mean. I love nature, and believe in protecting it. I love to laugh, and feel better after a good cry. I can be stubborn and impatient. I am constantly growing. I am open and free. I look to be inspired and love to inspire. I play guitar and secretly want to play drums. I have a puppy that brings me great joy. I love hugs, cuddling, holding hands...and wrestling. I love the mountains and the beach. I have to make a pilgrimage to the ocean at least twice a year to balance myself. I believe in balance in all things. Traveling is a passion, and meeting interesting people from all over the world is the perk! I have small town values, and big city dreams. I love beer, hate wine. I believe that what you put out comes back. I believe and live by the belief of treating others like you want to be treated. I enjoy stimulating conversation, and a good sense of humor. Caffeine is my drug of choice, and coffee over chess or good conversation is my luxury. I am strong but sometimes feel small. I strive to be my authentic me.
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