More human

I sometimes wonder if children make us more human in some way. From the moment you find out you’re having one, they begin to stir up issues or emotions that you convinced yourself you dealt with  or had successfully stuffed so far down you weren’t even aware they were there. They bring everything to the surface.

They teach what unconditional love is. Sometimes I catch myself staring at my son while he sleeps and simply crying becasues he is so beautiful my heart doesn’t know how to hold it. I overflow with love and it comes out as tears. I’m sure I have never known such a profound depth of love before.

They teach you  your limits. My son has pushed me far beyond what I thought I was capable of. Dead tired, near hallucinating from exhaustion, in tears because you just want to sleep, and he gets sick. You suddenly forget entirely about yourself and your own needs and you hold and rock and sooth a sick baby for a few more hours.

You think you have no patience. You get so frustrated you want to shake them. But instead you take a deep breath (sometimes you have a much needed quick cry), you center yourself and see the situation for what it is…a toddler or baby trying to express its basic desires.

Your sick and you don’t want to function. You set the child beside you while you get sick. Then you put your needs aside to feed and change the child. None of these things did I think I was capable of.

I’m pretty sure I never knew fear until I had a child. Before, the world was mine. Now, the world is a place to take caution of and teach my son how to not let tiget the best of him. I fear y own sickness or death, not for me, but for him. I fear potential hazards, risks and overall life on his behalf. I’ve suddenly become fully aware of jsut how fragile life is.

He makes me feel deeper, be more, and pushes me past anything I thought was plausible.


About strokeofred

I am from Kansas and I have traveled all over the world. I am an artist, and I have a business brain. I love skirts and tennis shoes. I like to get dirty and ride motorcycles. I am sensitive and I can be mean. I love nature, and believe in protecting it. I love to laugh, and feel better after a good cry. I can be stubborn and impatient. I am constantly growing. I am open and free. I look to be inspired and love to inspire. I play guitar and secretly want to play drums. I have a puppy that brings me great joy. I love hugs, cuddling, holding hands...and wrestling. I love the mountains and the beach. I have to make a pilgrimage to the ocean at least twice a year to balance myself. I believe in balance in all things. Traveling is a passion, and meeting interesting people from all over the world is the perk! I have small town values, and big city dreams. I love beer, hate wine. I believe that what you put out comes back. I believe and live by the belief of treating others like you want to be treated. I enjoy stimulating conversation, and a good sense of humor. Caffeine is my drug of choice, and coffee over chess or good conversation is my luxury. I am strong but sometimes feel small. I strive to be my authentic me.
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